Thursday, May 21, 2009

How Brandy got her Land

It basically boils down to one thing. I have my head up my ass. All the time. I'm SO not even kidding. The term Brandyland was coined when a coworker from my previous job used to give me shit about spacing out during meetings. One of us would have to take notes during and she always would have to do it because I can't pay attention long enough to write down what's going on. In my defense though, I was a sales administrator for an office supply company and was forced to listen to "suits" B/S their way through it. B-O-R-I-N-G with a capital BORING! She would always elbow me and whisper "Dude, get the fuck outta Brandyland and pay attention asswipe!". Brandyland had a nice ring to it so I use it to this day. Now, let me list the ways in which I can prove, without a doubt, that I'm a friggen idiot:

1.) My husband once shaved his chest and I didn't notice for over a month.

2.) I once lost my baby boy only to discover that I was actually holding him in my arms.

3.) Every once in a while I forget to rinse the conditioner out of my hair and I don't notice until I go to blow it dry.

4.) I totally forgot that my dad has a dog named Zoe and I named my youngest daughter Zoe. I say "I" named her because apparently there is a rule out in the universe that whoever cuts the cord gets to pick out the name (I'll tell that story another time). I didn't realize what I'd done until I was talking to him on the phone and he started laughing when I told him Zoe's name.

5.) I put the wrong birthdate on my oldest daughter's newborn baby pictures. She was born on 9-1 and I put 8-1. Didn't catch it until AFTER I sent out all the birth announcements. But...I DID just crap out a kid and I WAS maybe just a SMIDGE high on vicodine. Why didn't hub fill out the form?

6.) Really, do you need any more evidence? 'Cause I got more except my son REALLY wants to go watch Star Wars Episode I and who can resist that?


  1. Columbia State Park?

    Also: why did your husband shave his chest!

  2. Keep guessing Paul! You're getting closer. As for the chest hair, well I suppose he just did it for shits and giggles...

  3. Ha-ha!! I love this post! Two thumbs up!

  4. Thank you, thank you!! I wish I could tell you I made it all up, but alas, it's all true!!

  5. You are beyond special! This makes me smile :)


    I am so glad to know I am not the only one who has lost a child while holding them. I do this AT LEAST once a week and feel like a freaking moron for doing so.

    Yay for Star Wars! That is clearly irresistible.

  7. I looked at the California State Parks website and there were about a million parks, so I give up!

  8. Poor Paul, you were SO close too!! I think you're exagerating just a tad. There are 281 State Parks in California.

  9. If you put me in a meeting, it's like someone sucked all the oxygen out of the room and I instantly nod off. Or spend the entire time TRYING not to nod off (it's hard sometimes).

    I have done #3 and I have sorta done #2 but with stuff like sunglasses and stuff - lol!

    : )


As my daddy used to say, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink". That being said, do your worst, or best, which ever. (I prefer best though)