Thursday, May 21, 2009

How Brandy got her Land

It basically boils down to one thing. I have my head up my ass. All the time. I'm SO not even kidding. The term Brandyland was coined when a coworker from my previous job used to give me shit about spacing out during meetings. One of us would have to take notes during and she always would have to do it because I can't pay attention long enough to write down what's going on. In my defense though, I was a sales administrator for an office supply company and was forced to listen to "suits" B/S their way through it. B-O-R-I-N-G with a capital BORING! She would always elbow me and whisper "Dude, get the fuck outta Brandyland and pay attention asswipe!". Brandyland had a nice ring to it so I use it to this day. Now, let me list the ways in which I can prove, without a doubt, that I'm a friggen idiot:

1.) My husband once shaved his chest and I didn't notice for over a month.

2.) I once lost my baby boy only to discover that I was actually holding him in my arms.

3.) Every once in a while I forget to rinse the conditioner out of my hair and I don't notice until I go to blow it dry.

4.) I totally forgot that my dad has a dog named Zoe and I named my youngest daughter Zoe. I say "I" named her because apparently there is a rule out in the universe that whoever cuts the cord gets to pick out the name (I'll tell that story another time). I didn't realize what I'd done until I was talking to him on the phone and he started laughing when I told him Zoe's name.

5.) I put the wrong birthdate on my oldest daughter's newborn baby pictures. She was born on 9-1 and I put 8-1. Didn't catch it until AFTER I sent out all the birth announcements. But...I DID just crap out a kid and I WAS maybe just a SMIDGE high on vicodine. Why didn't hub fill out the form?

6.) Really, do you need any more evidence? 'Cause I got more except my son REALLY wants to go watch Star Wars Episode I and who can resist that?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Sometimes being a whiny-smartass-crybaby pays off!

For reals!! Remember this little diddy I wrote a while back? Well, my smart ass self decided to enter my "photo journey" into this little picture contest my boss decided to set up. I did it more as a joke since, besides myself, everyone I work with has to work outside...and they actually enjoy it! Weirdos...anyhoo, guess what? I WON!! Exciting right? Wanna know what I won? Hold on to your hats and glasses folks 'cause this is a doozy. I won......lunch with my boss and my parking spot back for a WHOLE MONTH!! Told ya it was exciting!! I'm having a hard time containing myself this morning!! not really (BTW, I don't think I told y'all but I got evicted from my parking spot at the beginning of May because it's the stupid beginning of the busy season).

On a slightly different topic...can we please have a moment of silence for my gal Tonya?

Poor broad got let go on Friday. Come to find out peace officers have a hard time standing in front of a person aiming a gun at them and since this little lassy was on the wall next to me, she gave my big-beefy-park rangers the heebs! LMAO!!! So, now she gets to come home with me and be "Tonya the Chore Enforcer". See if she'll light a fire under my kids ass to pick up their "area"!!
I'm finally finished re-vamping the friggen Twilight Saga for the I don't know how manyieth time so I should hopefully be posting more. Did yas miss me??

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Testing out my new trick..take two

I'm trying out a new trick one of my blog broads learned me. Mostly because some of you peeps didn't discover my witty ass blog until a few posts in and I'm guessing your too lazy to scroll a few pages in to check out my early work. I know, rude right? My bad...ok, lets see if this works.
Do clowns freak you out?
Bet your closet monster wasn't as cool as mine?
Hopefully this'll work. If it doesn't, well, I guess it's not the end of the world, right?

Friday, May 8, 2009

Why I should NEVER drink wine in public

I end up doing shit like the Macarena that's why! Thank GAWD the Chicken Dance didn't get captured on film.