Saturday, March 14, 2009

Don't Judge Me

by who my closet monster used to be. Please. I was a little girl who grew up with a contact high. Of course that was bound to make me just a "tadmartin" paranoid right? Ok, here goes...

My closet monster was.....Melissa Gilbert as Helen Keller. Melissa Gilbert as Laura Ingalls, no prob. Melissa Gilbert as her various and many TV movie characters, bring it on! But, I'm telling you, I straight up thought Helen Keller was in my closet when I was a kid. Even now, I don't like sleeping with my closet doors open. But I try to play it off as being anal retentive. It was that damn movie that freaked me out so bad. Something to do with her knocking her baby sister out of the cradle and then eating everyones scrambled eggs while flailing about.

If my clown story was any indication, I'm sure you can draw your own conclusion as to how my parents reacted to their oldest child telling them that she thought Helen Keller was in her closet. Needless to say there were tears.....of laughter.....from my parents. An instance or two of dad hiding in my closet only to come out doing his best Helen Keller impersonation to his delight and my terror.

And people wonder why I am the way I am.


  1. Hold the phone. What IF...Helen Keller was a CLOWN. Muhahahaha Not that IS scary.

  2. Dude you're so fucked up!! I'm thinking that Helen Keller would probably have been a mime though. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that remark just sealed my ticket to hell!!


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