My evil Stepmother coined it best. "Brandy, you're just that person that shit always happens to." She said this to me on Christmas a few years ago when I accidently broke one of her wedding presents. Well ok, maybe said wedding present happened to be a heavy crystal glass containing quite possibly the BEST White Russian I've ever tasted. And maybe I'd had 1 or 6 glasses of wine with dinner. And, oh alright, I might've had just a smidge of a "contact high" from the big fat doob Dad was trying to get Granny to hit. I'm telling you, I swear to God I was standing next to a table! I had no idea that was just in my head. So imagine my suprise when I was jerked out of Brandyland to the sound of a crystal glass filled with the BEST White Russian I ever tasted crashing onto the floor of my parents deck! Where'd the friggen table go?
Ah, such is life when you're the person shit always happens to. People should be happy that I have such a great sense of humor! To quote Jimmy Buffett, "If I couldn't laugh I would go insane..." Or, some bullshit like that. Knowing me I've got the lyrics all back asswards.
If this had merely been a one-time incident that made my evil Stepmother make such a claim I might've taken offense. But, as you soon will find out, being born ass first must have triggered some "shit happens to me" button. Hopefully you'll not only enjoy some of my more crazier stories, such as the time I thought I was possessed, or the identity of my "closet monster", but also, learn to know that it's ok to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously.