Saturday, March 14, 2009

Cue Crickets

I'm almost afraid to mention this for fear y'all take it and run with it. You see, I might be just a tiny bit gullible. For a person who claims to have a pretty good bull shit detector, I can sure fall for some serious total bullshit. For real, once I had a pretty heated arguement with my third grade teacher over whether the world was really round. My dad had told me that the world was flat. Any of you seeing a pattern yet? If I remember correctly we were watching an old movie on TV and when the ship sailed off into the sunset he said, "See how the ship goes off to the side? That's because if it kept on sailing straight it would fall off the Earth." Well, that was all it took. I was sold. The Earth was flat 'cause Daddy said so. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of the look on my teachers face when I called him out on that fact. He even brough out the globe to try to prove to me it was round but I wasn't having any of it.

I even fell for the whole "It's just a coat made out of arms" or "it a bunch of arms in a race". From the time I was in maybe second grade until probably fourth I believed that if you touched a Vietnamese persons face it would explode. Nice right? I used to walk home with this kid who told me that. Friggen-A I was freaked out! Just the mental picture of a Vietnamese persons face exploding was enough of a deterent for me. But the worst one was the dreaded bone with a blue sock on it. I'm shuddering with humiliation just thinking about it.

The year I was in sixth grade was about a year or so after the Challenger space shuttle exploded and we used to have a guy from NASA come once a month to talk to our class. One evening I was telling, well, *mumbles* my dad, about how the NASA guy was coming to our class the next day. "Make sure to ask him about the bone with a blue sock it that was found on the beach." he told me. "Wha?" I asked wondering where he was going with this little bit of inside info. "Yeah, some people on the beach near the launch site found a bone with a blue sock still on it" "Ask the NASA guy, he'll tell ya." I should have known by the way he said "yeah" and the shit eating grin on his face that I was being set up. But, as the person shit always happens to, luck was not to be on my side. I get up and get ready for school the next day excited that I have a really good, legitimate question to ask Mr. NASA guy. He gets there and goes through his little whatever the hell he was there for and then asked us if we had any questions. I don't have to tell you that my hand was the first one raised do I? So I get called on and I ask the question: "Can you tell us about the bone with a blue sock on it that was found?" I proceed to explain to him what had been told to me by my legitimate source. I might've been a little pushy about it too if I remember correctly. Cue Crickets. I don't think Mr. NASA guy came back after that.

That one is a favorite at Holiday parties.

**Author's note 3/17/09** Apparently I had some of my information incorrect regarding the "blue sock" story. Here is what my dad had to say about that (taken from emails between us over the weekend):

Dad: you're making me die laughing but you got the blue sock thing all wrong...don't give out my address cos the CPS people will be here in a NY,dad

Me: So are you saying that you didn't tell me they found a bone w/a blue sock on it? I'm pretty sure I didn't pull that one out of my ass. I have 34 years worth of stories centering around you screwing with me. I've only just begun...ya know what they say about Karma dontcha? Love ya!!

Dad: no, thats not what i'm saying....i told you not to say anything to anyone because it was classified information #1, #2 is i told you it was a boot with the foot still inside and it had a blue sock get your friggin stories right clown girl!!!

There dad, story clarified. Happy now?

No comments:

Post a Comment

As my daddy used to say, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink". That being said, do your worst, or best, which ever. (I prefer best though)