So, some of you have asked about the apparent "bars in my shoes" that I had to wear when I was a baby. Well, I couldn't really remember because, um, I was a baby. So I emailed my dad and asked him to tell me the story. So, in his own words, here you go....
Question to my dad: Ok, please tell me the story about my baby shoes and the bars in them. I can't remember and now that you've put it out there in Brandyland, everyone is askin 'bout them.
Please, enlighten me...
Reply from the King Smart-Ass himself: My pleasure,
you had very large feet that pointed out like clown shoes, (no pun intended), so we took you to the doc at Kaiser. He said to take you to a specialist and long story short, the doc made a pair of baby shoes that had a metal bar attached on the soles to keep your very large feet pointing forward like normal feet. You would scream and cry, then try to crawl and it really looked funny. I would put your shoes on just for amusement when I got bored. We finally said this is BS and threw them away. That's probably why you don't like to wear shoes to this day. But people, if you thought her feet were very large then, you should see those suckers now. It takes almost a whole cow just to make one shoe and Brandy, you need to stop wearing flip flops (sleeeeepas) you're creating a rubber shortage.
I would be offended if I wasn't crying with laughter right now. This, I'm sure is true, because shit like that happened ALL THE TIME when I was little. I remember one time my dad was making fun of me because I might've worn my shorts up around my neck. He made me pull them down beneath my belly button and then drew two eyes, my belly button for a nose, and a mouth and forced me to walk around outside. Nice huh?