Thursday, June 25, 2009

You A-Holes Asked for It...

So, some of you have asked about the apparent "bars in my shoes" that I had to wear when I was a baby. Well, I couldn't really remember because, um, I was a baby. So I emailed my dad and asked him to tell me the story. So, in his own words, here you go....

Question to my dad: Ok, please tell me the story about my baby shoes and the bars in them. I can't remember and now that you've put it out there in Brandyland, everyone is askin 'bout them.

Please, enlighten me...

Reply from the King Smart-Ass himself: My pleasure,
you had very large feet that pointed out like clown shoes, (no pun intended), so we took you to the doc at Kaiser. He said to take you to a specialist and long story short, the doc made a pair of baby shoes that had a metal bar attached on the soles to keep your very large feet pointing forward like normal feet. You would scream and cry, then try to crawl and it really looked funny. I would put your shoes on just for amusement when I got bored. We finally said this is BS and threw them away. That's probably why you don't like to wear shoes to this day. But people, if you thought her feet were very large then, you should see those suckers now. It takes almost a whole cow just to make one shoe and Brandy, you need to stop wearing flip flops (sleeeeepas) you're creating a rubber shortage.
Love ya,

I would be offended if I wasn't crying with laughter right now. This, I'm sure is true, because shit like that happened ALL THE TIME when I was little. I remember one time my dad was making fun of me because I might've worn my shorts up around my neck. He made me pull them down beneath my belly button and then drew two eyes, my belly button for a nose, and a mouth and forced me to walk around outside. Nice huh?


  1. I like your dad...he sounds mental - in a good way!

  2. Mental would just be the tip of the ice berg in describing my dad. LOL

  3. fantastic. very much like forest gump shoes :)

  4. Haha Forest Gump...I like it! I'm seeing you in a whole new light!

  5. Okay, I have a confession to make. I also had the baby gimpy bar shoes. I found them once, years ago in my mom's attic and I was like WTF? Were you guys doing some creepy baby bondage on me when I was kid? My feet aren't big but apparently they stuck out in funny ways.

    Oh, and did I mention I had to wear an eye patch as a kid, too? I was a walking fucking target for mockery. And people wonder why I'm so weird...

  6. My parents used to joke that they couldn't have my baby shoes bronzed becaue of the bars. They would laugh and snicker and laugh some more.

    It warms my heart that you all can laugh at my expense!! :)

  7. I am pretty sure my husband had to wear those shoes, too. Somehow we all belong together as adults - lol!

    : )

  8. I also had special shoes...I didn't think I gave you a hard time, I was just looking for a kindred spirit in the shoe department. But my parent's tried to hide the fact that I wore fact my mom told me that she used to sneak into my room at night and put them on. So maybe once or twice I may have woken up with them on. I don't know, I'd have to ask my mom.
    P.S. your dad sounds like the kind of parent I hope to be one day.

  9. Lildonbro - I didn't think you were giving me a hard time. :) I've received enough in my life that I can almost tell the difference now. LOL

    Yes, my dad is a regular riot. Especially when I was going through my awkward (I can't friggen spell that word this morning) teenage years!!

  10. LOL! Jenny_Jerkface! u were a pirate with messd up feet


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